“You were a Girlfriend first and then a mother”
One of the toughest things for me of being a mom is balancing doing things for me and doing things for the whole family. I think that it is tough for us mothers to take care of ourselves first without feeling guilty.
To help me with feeling overwhelmed, I started to do more things that were just for me. Motherhood can get lonely and overwhelming at times, so I started scheduling time for me. I scheduled hair day at least once a week (having wavy hair with Florida humidity is a necessity in my book) and I discovered going to the movies alone. A friend told me that on Tuesdays the movies were half price at our local movie theatre, so this was my chance to fight my fear of doing anything alone and taking time for me without the guilt.
I remember the first time I went, my heart was pounding as if I was breaking the law. I left my husband reading a bedtime story to the kids and completed all my night chores (wash the dishes, pack school lunches, lay-out school uniforms, feed the dogs and put away any dinner leftovers). I am a very lucky woman to have a husband that encourages me to take time for myself without the kids. Every Tuesday night I went to a movie and it was a moment to refresh. It’s like I found my “super power” again and I had patience for my kids and didn’t mind the chores as much.
I started scheduling time for me and getting to know who I am. It was lonely at first, but it was a necessity to find myself again. I understood that I was not going to get out of feeling blue and overwhelmed until I learned to slow down and take time for me without the guilt. Once you learn to do that, when your friends can’t make it to dinner, you still enjoy yourself. When you stop depending on others for your happiness, you find peace.
You must remember who you were before you took the role of mother. Remember that you were a woman, you were a girlfriend, a wife, a sister, a friend and many more. But the most important is knowing the woman in you. What do you like to do for fun? What do you like to eat? What makes your soul sing?
The best part of going to the movies for me was rediscovering that I like action movies. When Terminator Genisys came out, I was the first one there with my coke and popcorn. My husband didn’t want to see it, so I took my Tuesday movie escape to go see it. It was fun to watch and I remember I had watched all the Terminator movies and I loved them since I was younger.
The movies for me is an opportunity to escape to a world of fantasy. Some people do the same by reading books. It doesn’t really matter what activity you do, you just have to do something that makes you feel like yourself again.
As a mom you got to remember you have to take time for you to recharge and do fun things for you to have the energy to also enjoy the fun things your kids like and your husband likes. If you don’t take time for your fun things, then you become bitter and start blaming everyone and everything else for your unhappiness. Remember that only you have the power over your happiness. It is up to you how you want your life to unfold. When you stop depending on others for your happiness, you find peace. Go out there and learn to have fun with or without friends.